"No one ever said life would be easy."
- My Dad
I am reinventing my life.
I am living my life for me, not for anyone else. I am able to recognize my own truth, embrace my intuition, jump into my fears, and allow the life I was intended to live to blossom.
I wasn’t always this strong.
In 2016, after 20 years of marriage, I began receiving very strong messages, both physically and emotionally, that my life was destined to move in a different direction — but I was not yet ready to listen.
I felt like I had no voice.
One day I woke up and realized that I had no idea who I was. I had lost my entire sense of self in both my marriage and PTSD. Truthfully, they both morphed into one prison for me. I felt disrespected, unseen and unheard. I was afraid to have any thoughts of my own. I wasn’t even sure what I liked anymore. I was only able to see myself through the eyes of my husband and my doctors. It was not a pretty picture. I didn’t believe I was worthy of anything better.
Fourteen years into the PTSD, life took a turn and allowed me to get out from under the heavy medications. My energy was renewing as concepts, circumstances, and desires of the past came flooding back into my awareness. I found myself wanting to go out and have all the experiences I could imagine…all at once. My soul was reawakening and it felt good, but it didn’t fit into the mold of my marriage.
The next years I struggled with thoughts of "should I stay or should I go.” I was feeling emotionally stronger than I had in years, and that was causing a cascade of events that I was not prepared for. I was not ready to give up on my marriage, but I was not willing to remain in the severely medicated, coma-state I’d just left behind, for the sake of peace in the marriage. Eventually, my husband moved from our house and was with another woman, so the decision was made for me.
If you are supposed to leave a situation, and you don't, things will keep escalating and you will continue getting hurt until you finally pay attention. That is what happened to me.
I floundered for nearly 3 years afterward, trying to find my footing and a place to call home. During that time, it seems everything I was trying to make work was falling apart. The more I put effort into my plans, the more resistance I got. The more I desired security, connection and community, the faster those eluded me. I found myself repeating the same patterns with different people in different places, but with the same results.
One day during meditation, an energy I had never experienced before rushed through my body like a lightning bolt. I felt a vibrational shift. A serenity came over me like I’ve never known. In that moment, I felt the connection I always longed for and suddenly the message was clear. It was a knowing.
It was then I realized I had the Answer all along. It was inside of me: a resolve and strength never before perceived. I knew I could change my life. I had the power. I studied. I read books, listened to podcasts, and watched videos. I was learning about personal creative potential. I aligned myself to the vibrations of that which I desired. I wasn’t stuck with PTSD and anxiety. I wasn’t limited to where I could live. I wasn’t restricted by others’ beliefs about me. I was Limitless!
I am the me I was intended to be when I came into this world.
Each twist and turn along the path happened exactly how it needed to for my personal transformation and growth. Magic unfolded, and beautiful teachers and mentors entered my life when I chose to release the outcome and listen to intuition.
As I continue this amazing journey, I choose to release anything and anyone that feels heavy. People and things are falling away to make room for what sets my soul on fire. I learned to trust that any spark of an idea or passionate thought I have is because anything is possible. I have no idea what comes next and I am comfortable not knowing. That is not to say fears don’t still arise. They do. When they do, I welcome them, thank them, bless them and send them on their way with love. I don’t have to know how things are going to happen, I just know that they will. The Universe will respond in the perfect time in the perfect way.
My goal is to share this journey with you in hopes you will find inspiration to discover your own path.